Non-Pretty Telecom Ramblings

It wasn’t always likely that I would have spent half a year in one of the world’s biggest telecommunication’s markets – the United States of America – without a mobile phone. Surely, six months ago, I couldn’t have envisioned my current position. Two feet away from my left hand at this moment is a telephone that could only remind me of Nigeria. Not even the current day Nigeria, but the Nigeria of 1990. The telephone is hooked into the wall via a transparent cable. It has a dialing pad attached to the receiver, and it doesn’t have an answering machine, and it has a coiling cord that always used to give me nightmares. The last time I came across a phone with this kind of winding cable connecting the receiver to the box was in my grandfather’s house in the early to mid-nineties when we made the best of times by making prank calls to local Fire and Police Stations telling them of a raging fire. I therefore could not immediately believe when I walked into my designated apartment back in August that I was indeed in the United States of America. It was a kind of culture shock to come in contact with a land line phone of this ancient kind. There is usually a three-lettered abbreviation to respond to this kind of encounter. I went with OMG!

Cut to six months later, I am surprised to have survived it. My little nephews and nieces who are used to Nigeria’s now ubiquitous mobile phone services might be shocked now to see that phones exist in this kind of form. The only reason I can think of why I backed down from my promise to buy myself one of either the Samsung Omnia, the Nokia Maemo, the Apple iPhone, the Palm Pre, the Google HTC or the Blackberry among so many others new inventions competing for attention then was the contract system that made it a prerequisite that one had a payment plan with a major telecommunications network before getting a good smart phone. No can do, I said to Apple, which was my very first choice, and effectively walked away from the rest of them. There was no way I could sign up for a two year plan when my programme was going to end in eleven months. For phone calls home therefore, I depended on Skype, and Rebtel. For text messages, there was Skype, and my good old smart Nokia that followed me from across the ocean. For calls within campus, there remained my good old ancient line now hooked to the wall. It works just fine except I manage to step out of the room when the incoming call rings.

Needless to say, the non-possession of an American-network-powered mobile phone has never failed to generate very long conversations within friends and acquaintances whenever I bring it up. “Why don’t you just buy one of those little mobiles that you can recharge and use at will without a contact? Walmart has them,” I’ve been told. “I just can’t care less,” I respond, “In Nigeria, you can just walk up to any shop and buy a sim card without a contract, then buy the kind of smart mobile phone you want and still get all the services you require; a service you can walk away from at any time without loss. In America, it’s well almost an impossibility without a certain discomfort. Even the new iPad comes with the prerequisite of an AT&T contract. I mean what kind of exclusivity is that? Thankfully, I have been able to do without them all. Not like my friend Vera however. Read what she has to say about a phone contract with T-mobile. It is not just the figures, but the whole thing about a contract that just ticks me off.

It is just the sorry sight of this land line on my bed that reminds me of why Nigerians quickly got rid of the military government, and welcomed a civilian one. Today, even for “third world” Nigeria, I would never buy a phone like this. Not when I can buy the new contract-free Google Nexus combine it with an MTN simcard that costs less than a dollar. This sight reminds me of why I am a true ghoul in the forest!

PS: Amount so far raised via KTravulaid for Jos, for Haiti = $230, out of which $100 has already been sent to Jos. Thanks to Dee, Clarissa and Tee.

Schwartzfahrer

This 10-min short video by Pepe Danquart won an Oscar in 1994 for its portrayal of a particular aspect of everyday Germany. I caught Yvonne, my colleague at the office and German professor, watching it last week and I joined her. I enjoyed it, laughing my head off at the end. You should too. The dialogue is in German, but it is subtitled.

The title Schwartzfahrer in German means “Black Rider”, which originally referred to those who board public transportation without tickets, particularly the foreigners.

10 Reasons to Buy KTravulart To Help Haiti

10. Haiti was the first black nation to get independence from Europeans, and they did it through bravery and collective action. Since then, however, they have been impoverished. For years since their independence, they had to pay reparation to France, a sort of price for their freedom.

9. Haiti does not have the required infrastructure to deal with the destruction of their homeland by the earthquake that hit them in January, and foreign volunteers can only do so much before they return to their own homes. They need help. They need money, badly.

8. You will get a precious artwork from and lovely postcards from ktravula.com. Yea, that’s worth repeating. 🙂

7. You will be saving lives.

6. This offer to buy beautiful soon-to-be-famous artworks for less doesn’t come all the time, and will definitely not be open forever.

5. Singer Wyclef Jean might send you a “Thank you” email or hand-written letter for helping his country. Don’t doubt it!

4. The city of Chicago, Illinois was founded by a man called Jean Baptiste Pointe du Sable, a Haitian. He was also the first known non-indigenous settler and the first Haitian-American and person of color in the area which is now Chicago, Illinois. A support for Haiti is a support for Chicago, and by extension a support for the State of Illinois – if we want to take it that far. Don’t forget that President Obama is also from the state. Help Haiti and help us, somewhat.  🙂

3. Many of the survivors need so much medical attention which only money can buy.

2. It’s a drop in the ocean, but it can still make an impact.

1. The photos are beautiful, and worth every penny spent.

Alrighty, let’s do this and let’s move on. I’m sure I almost can hear someone say “enough already.” Well, the travelogue continues without fail, just after this commercial break… “Haiti I can see your Halo” by Beyonce. “911 Remake” by Twista, and “Redemption Song” by Rihanna.

To participate, go to this page for more information. The travelogue resumes its schedule in the month of February.

10 Reasons To Buy KTravulart To Help Jos

10. It is one of Nigeria’s most serene cosmopolitan cities, now facing a humanitarian crises that could as well be called genocide going by motive, and the number of deaths recorded in the last couple of weeks.

9. It is a tourist destination for expatriates living in Nigeria maybe because of its altitude. If there is peace, stability and vitality in Jos, there is peace, stability and vitality for all who visit the place. And it’s a good place to visit if you are ever in Nigeria.

8. It is the site of a very advanced Nok culture and civilization who lived there from around 3000BC and disappeared in the late first millenium.

7. Its National Museum is one of the best in the country, and it boasts of some fine specimens of Nok terracotta heads and artifacts dating from between 500 BC to AD 200. It also incorporates the Museum of Traditional Nigerian Architecture with life-size replicas of a variety of buildings, from the walls of Kano and the Mosque at Zaria to a Tiv village. (Source Wikipedia)

6. The state has over forty ethno-linguistic groups, some of the largest in the country as far as linguistic diversity is concerned.

5. It has the potential to be – as it has always been – one of the best places to live in Nigeria.

4. You will have a beautiful photographic artwork hanging in your living room, signed by KTravula, all the way from the Midwest of the United States.

3. You will have something to show for it beyond the beautiful photograph hanging in your living room: a peace of mind that comes from giving.

2. For Nigerians, you will have done your little part to contribute to the progress of the country Nigeria, without having to occupy a government office, and be sure that your money is making an impact, and not going to a corrupt pocket.

1. I said so. And you love me, don’t you?


PS: That photo above is of the famous Riyom Rocks. It is located in Riyom, the local government in which I spent twelve months in 2005/2006 on the National Youth Service programme. (Picture Source: Paramino.)

PSS: I got an $80 cheque from Clarissa today, as donation to Jos. She had mistakenly addressed it to Access Bank Nigeria instead of to me, but that’s fine. I can’t post the cheque to Nigeria because no Nigerian bank will cash an American cheque. On Monday therefore, I will make her re-write it, address it to me, I’ll cash it and transfer it to the Access Bank Account of the Nigerian Red Cross for Jos Relief or send by Western Union to them, or to someone who will pay it into the Access Bank Account and provide me with proof. It shouldn’t be so hard jare!

iSkits

Scene I

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Kola: Ben, what’s your favourite Apple product?

Ben: I gotta say, the iPod.

Kola: The iPad?

Ben: No, not the iPad. The iPoood. [Pronounced as “iPaaad”]

Kola: What? You like that new product?

Ben: No, you’re not listening. I mean the iPod, the iPod; the small one that fits into your breast pocket. That one you’re holding.

Kola: Oh, the iPawd, you mean.

Ben: What is that? iPawd?

Kola: Well, the way you’re pronouncing it, I couldn’t tell the difference between when you say iPod and when you say iPad. Can you say “iPod,” this time in English?

Ben: Good God, you’re terrible.

Kola: Don’t you mean “Good Gawd?”

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Scene II

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Kola: Hello, am I speaking with the Apple representative? I made an online order of the new iPad.

Operator: Oh nice. I’m here to help you. Was it the iPod classic or the iPod touch?

Kola: Does it come in those options?

Operator: Yes. The Classic comes in 160GB, 120GB and 80GB types…

Kola: I think you’re getting me wrong. I mean the iPad.

Operator: I got you right. You want the iPod, right?

Kola: Yes, and I’m told it has come to knock the Kindle off its lazy ass.

Operator: [Silence.]

Kola: Hellooo.

Operator: Yes. There must have been a mistake. Did you say you want the iPad or the iPod?

Kola: From what you just said, I really can’t tell them apart. Maybe you should please let me speak with someone who speaks English.

Operator: Good Gaad!

Kola: [Click]

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PS: None of these conversations has taken place, as far as I know. But I won’t bet against the possibility that they are taking place right now in parts of the United States, especially between Nigerians and Americans.